Harus jujur

An important person(yes, he's been in my mind and my heart) in my life beberapa reminded that aku mesti berlaku jujur.  Bukan setakat jujur padanya tapi katanya harus jujur pada diri sendiri.  Lama aku terdiam..sebab sudah lama aku tidak berlaku jujur terutama pada diri sendiri.  Ada banyak potensi diri dalam tubuh ini tapi aku ignore and biarkan pengaruh luar menguasai diri hingga aku bukan lagi diriku sebenar.

Ibu, ayah ingin aku jadi begini, adik-adikku ingin aku jadi begitu, customers dan clients ingin aku jadi begitu, anak-anak ingin aku jadi begitu dan begini...hingga akhirnya aku hilang identiti diri.  Aku lupa apa keinginanku sejak kecil..cita-citaku yang tidak tergapai lagi.

Kini, aku mengumpul kekuatan, fizikal, mental dan spiritual..mendaki bukit impian dan cita-cita kembali.

Destinasi ialah...kebahagiaan..bukan keizinan dari kamu, kamu dan kamu...

Seandai hidup lama

Aku terfikir..seandai hidup lama sampai umur 80, 90..apa aku nak buat?

Hmm..kalau hidup mengumpul dosa baik tak payah..

Drowning

Have you ever felt like you drowning in deep water..shouting for help..but no one came to the rescue..

That's what it felt these last few weeks..nope, it's been months.  Sometimes I think I know what to do, that I'm on the right track, that I've taken the right decisions but most of the time it feels like I'm drowning...helplessly

Hazrey

Anak :  Mama, mama baca tak blog Hazrey?
Aku :  Nape? Blog journalist tu kan?
Mama : Ye, mama tau tak ada orang buat blog palsu guna gambar anak buah dia pastu kutuk K-Pop. Ada lebih 1000 orang komen kat blog dia

The rest of the story you can just click "Hazrey" on the right side of my "blog scandal".

Sekarang dia tahu bagaimana rasanya bila orang yang disayang kena buli in cyber.  Not that I'm happy..of course not.  It reminds me there are too many stupid people out there yang tidak mempedulikan perasaan orang lain dan and think that they can say anything to anyone anywhere.  Don't they know that words can kill people?

But Hazrey also has to remember that what comes around goes around.  In his blog he also hurt other people, intentionally or unintentionally.  Maybe it's a joke for him but for some people it is condemning dan memalukan mereka, tak kira walaupun mereka artis atau orang biasa seperti aku.  Yelah, his blog is popular so when he wrote something people tend to agree other than disagree.  If terang-terang disagree nanti kena boo pula so yang tak disagree will take their revenge in other way.

Masa mula2 I read his blog aku suka sangat blog dia ni.  But then aku rasa ada juga dia terlalu emosi bila menulis (sapa kat perempuan lebih emosi? lelaki pun kekadang over juga emosinya), especially bila dia jawab komen2.  Yup, aku tulis ni sebab aku pernah tersentap bila dia jawab komen aku dengan begitu sarcastic.  If it was a 12 years old boy it's ok but he's a journalist, bukan ke dia sepatutnya can read between the lines.

Anyway, I was thinking about removing all my photos here for security purposes.  But then, sapa pulak nak yang nak buat camtu kat blog picisan yang cuma ada less than 10 followers ni. Now I see the bright side aku tak mempromosikan blog ni to get seringgit dua from Nuffnang. I can say out my heart here and nobody cares and aku tak perlu sangat nak jaga hati readers.  Actually I'm more worried if my siblings reading this blog because they never know this side of me...even as siblings or more precise their kaklong, I never really speak my mind or heart with them.  Semua simpan...sampai aku 'makan dalam'.  Anyway, aku takpun reveal banyak kat blog.  Mostly it's just only the surface of me.   Banyak aku dah tapis kerana mak pernah pesan berdiam diri itu lebih baik jika apa yang ingin disuarakan itu akan menyakiti seseorang.

p/s   Met my old best friend petang tadi.  Kata2 dia banyak menyedarkan aku.  Tapi aku sayang melepaskan 'dia'.

Me at 40

Dear Me At 40,

I always dread you...still do. My dreams have not come true, maybe because I don't put my whole heart and effort towards them.

There are times when I feel I have NOTHING...like now...But there were times when I felt I have EVERYTHING...and think that life and Allah has always been nice and answered by prayers.

Now...all I want is to be happy in my own special way...Just accept me as I am because I am happy with the path I chose.  I appreciate life as it is..

Future

Dear Future,


Thank you for only existing in my mind.
You are a lot less scary when I realised you are just make-believe.
See you when I see you.

Ugly photos of me

Dear Ugly Photos of Me,


Thank you for reminding me of how bad my skin was and how big my ass in that skinny jeans.  You motivates me when I'm on the cross-trainer and restraints me from reaching for that nasi lemak with fried egg!

FB oh FB

Minggu lepas mama buka FB.  Nowadays jarang dah kat sana sebab ramai sangat yang hipokrit. Tulis berapi-api mengkritik orang tapi bila dorang ni kena kat diri sendiri tau plak dia naik hangin.  


Yang kelakarnya ada kawan sekolah mama post kat FB gambar dia pegi open house yang dianjurkan oleh kawan sekolah dia jugak.  Yang kelakarnya dia post gambar dia pakai jilbab tutup muka tu dan tuan rumah punya lubang hidung hahaha!!!  Dia kata gambar2 tu anak dia yang kecik ambik pakai hp dia.  Nasiblah aku tak pegi kat open house tu...eh bukan taknak pergi tapi aku tak dijemputpun.  Anyway, lagipun kalau dijemputpun mama bukannya suka pergi open house pun.  Sekadar datang salam, ucap 'maaf zahir batin' kat tuan rumah yang bukan datang dari hati, makan, buat2 senyum dengan orang sekeliling dan bertanya kabar yang tak seikhlas mana tu....haha...not me.  Lebih baik duduk rumah siram bunga.


Banyak yang kita dapat tahu mengenai seseorang hanya dengan melihat cara seseorang itu berFB.  Ada orang kata jangan tag gambar yang mendedahkan aurat kat fb so orang yang bercakap begitu taglah gambar dia berjilbab (tutup muka setengah, nampak mata je).  Dari kefahaman aku selalunya orang yang macam tu selalunya perempuan2 jelita yang amat sangat sampaikan lelaki tengok muka dia terus timbul ghairah. Tapi kawan ni taklah secantik Fazura dan Fasha.  Jauh panggang dari api...tapi apahal nak tutup2 muka tu?  Anyway, mama rasa mama tau kenapa dia pakai camtu...takyah citer sini...i think deep in her heart dia tahu kenapa. Jangan dia fikir dia buat tu kerana Allah cukup lah sebab dalam Islam tak suruhpun tutup muka tu kecuali kalau kau cantik giler. 


Apa agaknya rasa tuanrumah tu yang gambar lubang hidungnya di tag kat fb.  Kok ye pun nak tag gambar, fikir2 perasaan dia.   Taglah gambar kawan2 kita yang dalam posisi menarik, cantik dan bukannya gambar yang menyebabkan orang nampak lubang hidung dia.  Walaupun, dia tak komen apa2 kat gambar tu, tapi mestilah dia malu sebab gambar tu membuatkan orang gelakkan dia...


alahai...

Apa ada pada gambar?

Tangkaplah gambar banyak2. Kenapa?

sebab momen2 itu tidak akan dapat diulang lagi

tak kisah apa ke gambarnya, cantik ke, buruk ke,

yang penting peristiwa itu atau momen2 yang dirakamkan

If you or people around don't seem to appreciate it now

i guarantee, in 5 or 10 years...THEY WILL

p/s  ada orang kata ambil gambar tu haram tapi sebenarnya dia taknak ambil gambar dia sendiri sebab dia tahu rupa dia buruk, kan? kan?  cuba kalau kau tu lawa macam Fazura...dah tentu kau lambakkan gambar2 kau kat fb kan???  Tolonglah, jangan hipokrit...jadi je diri sendiri!

Pilihan

Hidup ini penuh pilihan 
Usah salah diri jika kita memilih jalan salah
kerana jalan salah itu
sebenarnya membimbing kita
ke jalan yang kita inginkan...

merepek

tadi baca blog peej.  macam biasa aku tersenyum sorang2 tapi yang tak tahan tengok gambar2 food kat sana.
sedapnya...ye..sedap sangat.  pasni konfem aku nak cari ikan tenggiri jeruk masin untuk buat buka posa.

ok bye.

entry ni saje2 asal ada entry

To that some1 who tried her best to embarrass me in fb...and yes she succeeded!!

You might think I'm making the biggest mistake of my life now, but you actually have no clue what I've been through and what I'm trying to do with my life.

Please remember that you've made the same mistake as I did and I never judge you for that.  No matter what mom says about you and our other siblings I never want to take any part in giving you advice or bad mouth you. Why? Because I believe you are a matured lady with a diligent mind that is capable of making your own decision.  

You is you and I am what I am.  Don't ever judge me through what our mom or people around us told us.  Marriage life is complicated, only those who are married or has been married know what it's like.  Don't tell me you've read books or papers about marriage life.  The reality is known only when you're married.  

If you know you know, if you don't you don't!!

Pulau Redang

A friend of mine, Paul suggested i spend some time at Pulau Redang.  He said once I reach there, wear no shoes or slippers...barefoot the whole time there, except at the cafe when having meals etc.  I was advised not to bring laptop or Ipad and switch off the handphones.  I would find total peaceful and tranquility there...

I google this and this is what i found...

apakan daya...at this moment all i can do is drooling over the pics

this is my life, let me deal with it

membuat keputusan itu bukan aku
tidak suka
kerana selalu buat decision yang aku ingat betul
tapi bila dah final
then realised it was the stupidest decision ever

but this is my life
whatever i do, i will take the consequences
not you
i'm not getting younger
now or later i've to face life itself
bad or good
that's for me to face

getting hurt is not the question
it's the future, my dream
i want to live my dream
realistic or not, that's not for you to determine
it's me....

Ada bagai tiada

Engkau tak akan mengerti
apa yang terbuku di hati
apa yang diluah di mulut

kau simpan
seperti kau simpan medal dan piala itu
aku beku
hati mati
kau tak tau
kau tak peduli

ingin lari
tiada destinasi
tiada pengertian
perjalanan sunyi yang tiada penamat

Dah berhabuk dah kan??

Terlalu busy dengan melayan diri sendiri
hingga tiada masa nak update sini
sorry

Miss Pink
you know what,
we are in our own world now
i'm impressed with your profile photo
rasa nak wat cam tu gak
gilo ko apa aku nihhhhhhhhh

mungkin?

mendapat petunjukNya hari ini?
mungkin...

The past...seems like yesterday

I used to think we could rekindle the moments...the past
but you've moved on
but i'm still stuck in the memories of us

if only...

Stop the clock please

lamaaaa sgt mama tak ke sini
mama teringat kisah anak2 mama masa kecik dulu
masa tasha, akid, daniel and Imran still toddlers
I want to be in that moments again
strange
bila di waktu itu, mama mahu masa itu dicepatkan
mama mahu kalian cepat besar
tak perlu mama buat susu 7 x sehari
tak perlu mama beli pamper berguni sebulan

tapi sekarang mama merindui saat itu
Tasha di Bangi
Akid di rumah uwan
tinggallah mama dengan hero 3 orang tu

Tasha rindu mama tak?
sorry kekadang mama tak sempat angkat phone
bila mama free pulak mama lupa return call

tapi mama sayang anak2 mama
alangkah baik jika masa itu kembali...

p/s  always knew that i haven't done my best for u...i'm sorry

i'm blessed

a lot of great things happened these few days
met new people
yup interesting people
life suddenly being nice to me
feel so blessed

on holiday mood
wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

p/s  bye bye fb ...hello new friends